1-The Architect

An American architect was visiting London. He was on a business trip but he also wanted to see all the famous buildings in London. The American did not have much time so he stopped a taxi and asked the driver to take him to all the old and famous buildings in London, The taxi driver drove him to the Tower of London." This is the Tower of London. It was a prison in the old days," he said. The American looked at the building and said," It is so small. In America we could build this in a day." The taxi driver took the American to Westminster Abbey. He said," This is a famous church. Kings and queens get married here." The American looked at the old building and said,"Huh. In America we could build this church in two days," The driver decided to take the American to a bigger church so he drove him to St Paul's Cathedral. He stopped outside the church and said," This is the most famous church in England.   The great architect Christopher Wren built this church." The American got out of the taxi and looked at the church," Huh, In America we could build this church in three days." he said. Next the driver took the American to the Houses of Parliament." This is where British politicians meet. "Huh." the American said. "We could build this in four days." The driver drove past Buckingham Palace, the home of Queen Elizabeth. As the taxi passed the palace, the American said, "Hey. What is this big and beautiful building" The

taxi driver looked at the palace and said,

"............................................"

2-Boys and Girls

Amanda Gardener was eighteen. Her parents decided to have her birthday party in a hotel. About two hundred people came to the party. An old woman was staying in the hotel. She heard the music and came into the party room. The young boys and girls were dancing in the middle of the room. The old lady sat down, and watched. Then she said, "When I was young, parties were different. It was very easy to tell who was a boy and who was a girl. Today it's very difficult to tell who is a boy and who is a girl." The person sitting next to her said nothing.

The old lady continued, "When I was young, boys wore trousers and girls wore dresses.   Look at that girl over there. She's wearing boy's jeans". The person sitting next to her said nothing. The old lady continued," When I was young, boys had short hair and girls had long hair, so it was very easy to tell who was a boy and who was a girl. That girl's hair is very short. It's a boy's haircut." The person sitting next to her said nothing. Then the old lady said, "Do you think she is a boy or a girl? It is very difficult to tell, isn't it?" The person sitting next to her said," No. It is very easy for me because that girl is my daughter." The old lady was very embarrassed and she said, "Oh dear, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were her father." The person sitting next to her replied,

"............................................"

3-The Crying Child

One Sunday a young father was walking through the park. He was pushing a pram. There was a very young baby in the pram and it was crying loudly. The young father said softly," Take it easy, Martin. Keep calm, Martin. Control yourself, Martin." The young rather walked on but the child cried louder. The father stopped and took a Teddy bear out of a bag. He gave it to the child. He said softly," Take it easy, Martin. Keep calm, Martin. Control yourself. Martin. "The young father started to push the pram again. After a few minutes the child began to cry. It cried louder and longer. The father put his hand into his pocket and took out some chocolate. He gave a piece to the child and said softly, "Take It easy, Martin, Keep calm, Martin. Control yourself. Martin." The young father walked on. Three minutes later the child started to cry. It cried louder and louder and louder.  The father took the baby out of the pram and held it in his arms. He said softly." Take it easy, Martin. Keep calm, Martin. Control yourself, Martin." The child did not stop crying. It cried louder and louder. An old woman was watching the father. She walked across to the young father and she smiled. She said, "You are doing very well, young man. You talk to the child with a calm and quiet voice." The old woman looked at the child and said, "What's wrong, Martin. Why are you crying?" The father said quickly

"............................................"

4-The Dog

Linda Robinson was very thirsty so she went into a café. There was an old woman in the cafe. She was sitting at a table near the door. At her feet, under the table, there was a small dog. Linda bought a large glass of lemonade and some biscuits. She sat down at the table next to the old woman. The old woman sat quietly. She looked lonely. Linda decided to talk to the old woman. She said," It is very hot today." Yes, but it is nice and cool inside the cafe" replied the old woman.

Linda looked at the little dog and she asked," Does your dog like people? ""Oh, he is very friendly. Linda wanted to give the dog one of her biscuits so she asked," Does your dog like biscuits?"

"They are his favorite food." said the old woman. Linda was afraid of dogs so she said," Does your dog bite?" The old woman laughed and said," No. My dog is very tame. He is afraid of cats."

Linda took a biscuit from her plate and she put it near the dog's mouth. However, the dog didn't bite the biscuit, it hit Linda's hand. Linda jumped out of the chair and screamed in pain. In an angry voice, she shouted at the old woman," You said that your dog didn't bite." The old woman looked at Linda and at the dog. Then she said,

"............................................"

5-The English Lesson

George was sitting in his English class.  It was a hot afternoon and he was feeling sleepy. It was a grammar lesson and George was also bored. He hated grammar. He wanted to leave school and work. He wanted to be a gardener. George loved flowers and trees. George looked out of the window. He looked at the trees and flowers. Then he started day-dreaming. After ten minutes the teacher stopped talking. She asked the students to do a grammar exercise in their books. The students took out their exercise books and their pencils and they started writing. The teacher looked at George. She saw that he wasn't writing so she said," Why aren't you writing, George?"

George stopped dreaming and said," What, Miss?" Wake up, George!" the teacher said. "Why aren't you writing?" George thought for a moment and replied," I ain't got no pencil.

The teacher looked at George and said," You ain't got no pencil? You mean I don't have a pencil."

George did not understand the English teacher so he said, "Sorry, Miss." The teacher said in an angry voice, "I don't have a pencil. You don't have a pencil. He doesn't have a pencil. She doesn't have a pencil. We don't have pencils. They don't have pencils. Now, George. Do you understand?" George looked at the teacher for a moment and then he

said,

"............................................"

6-The Free Ticket

Allison Lumsden lived by herself in a small house. One day she received a letter. When she opened the letter there was a cinema ticket inside, there was also a note in the letter. It said, 'Here is a free ticket to the cinema on Saturday night. Enjoy yourself.' However there was no name with the letter, Allison decided to telephone her friends to find out who sent her the present. First of all she called her father." Dad. Did you send me a cinema ticket?" "No," he replied, "Perhaps it was your brother." Allison called her brother. "Andrew. Did you send me a cinema ticket?" "No," he replied. "Perhaps it was Roberta." Roberta was Allison's best friend so she rang her, "Roberta, Did you send me a cinema ticket?" "No." she replied. Allison phoned all her friends but none of them had sent her the ticket. She decided to phone the manager of the cinema. "My name is Allison Lumsden. I received a free ticket for your cinema on Saturday night. Did you send it to me?" "No," said the manager. Allison was puzzled. On Saturday night she did not know what to do but then she decided to use the ticket. She put on her coat and went to the cinema. It was a good film and she enjoyed herself. When she got home she was very surprised. There was a note on the front door of her house. It said,

"............................................"

7-The Genie

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a

German were traveling in a boat from France to Australia, Unfortunately, the boat sank but the three men swam to a small island. There was nobody on the island and it was thousands of kilometers from Australia. The men waited for another boat to come but none came. After two months they were very unhappy." We will have to live here forever," said the Englishman. "We will have to eat bananas every day," said the German. "We will never see our families again," said the Frenchman. One day the German found an old bottle on the beach. He took the bottle to his two friends. When he opened the bottle a genie came out. The genie said to the three men, "Thank you for letting me out of the bottle. I was inside that bottle for five hundred years. Now I am free. I can give you two wishes each." The German said," I am hungry and thirsty; I want some sausage to eat and some beer to drink. Secondly, I want to go back to Germany." "Your wishes are granted," said the genie. Five seconds later the German disappeared. Next the

Frenchman said, "I am hungry and thirsty, I want some cheese to eat and some wine to drink. Secondly I want to return to my family in France." "Your wishes are granted," said the genie. Five seconds later the Frenchman disappeared. "And what do you want?" the genie said to the Englishman, The

Englishman thought for a few minutes. Then he said, "............................................"

8-The Hunter

Richard Sinclair worked for a zoo. He was a hunter. When the zoo wanted new animals, Richard went out and caught them. He was a very good hunter and he had an unusual way of catching animals. One year the zoo needed some African tree monkeys so Richard went to Africa to catch some. He took a new assistant with him. Richard also took a very large dog him. It was an angry dog and it had very large, sharp teeth. It often bit people so Richard tied a piece of rope around the dog's mouth to keep it closed. The three of them traveled to Africa. They went into the jungle to an area where the tree monkeys lived. When they saw a tree monkey in a tall tree in front of them, Richard took out a large bag and a gun. He gave them to the assistant." What will I do with these?" the assistant asked." Listen carefully," Richard said, "I will climb the tree. Then I will shake the tree very hard and a monkey will fall out of it." The assistant thought for a minute. Then he said," But the monkey is very fast and it will run away before I can catch it."' Don't worry," Richard replied. ""Take the rope from the dog's month. It is very angry and very fast. It will catch the monkey and bite it with its sharp teeth. The dog will hold the monkey in its mouth. You follow the dog and put the monkey in the bag. Very easy, very simple and it works every time. Do you understand what to do?" The assistant thought for a few seconds. Then he said, "Yes, I understand what to do. But what do I need the gun for?"

Richard smiled and said,

"............................................"

9-The Lion

One day a young lion walked through the jungle. He was young, strong and proud. The lion met a snake and said, "Snake. Who is the king of the jungle?" "You are," the snake replied quickly. It did not want to make the lion angry. The lion smiled and walked on. Thirty meters later he met a monkey.  The lion looked at the monkey and said. "Monkey. Who is the king of the jungle?" "You are," the monkey replied. It turned round quickly and climbed a tree. It felt safe there. The lion looked up at the monkey and smiled.  A few minutes later he met a crocodile. He stopped and said,

"Crocodile. Who is the king of the jungle?" "You are," answered the crocodile. It went quickly into the river where it felt safe. The lion smiled and walked on. Next he met a giraffe. He looked up and shouted, "Giraffe. Who is the king of the jungle?" The giraffe did not answer so the lion roared loudly. The giraffe was very afraid and said. "You are." "Answer quickly next time," said the lion, "or I might have to eat you,"   The lion walked on. He was very happy that all the other animals were afraid of him. A few hundred meters later he met an elephant. "Elephant. Who is the king of the jungle?" The elephant looked at the lion. Suddenly it picked the lion up with its trunk and dropped it on the ground. Next the elephant jumped on top of the lion. The lion was very surprised. Now it was dirty and hurt. It shouted at the ele-

phant, "............................................"

10-Old Age                                

Andrew Wilson was visiting a home for old people. He went up to an old man who had a very long white beard and said," Can I ask how old you are, sir?" "Ninety-six replied the old man." Why do you think you have lived so long?" asked Andrew. "I don't smoke; I don't drink beer or wine." At the other side of the room Andrew saw a man who looked older; he went up to the man and asked politely, "Can I ask how old you are, sir?" "Ninety-nine," replied the old man." Why do you think you have lived so long?" asked Andrew." I don't smoke or drink. And I am not married." he said. A nurse came into the room. She was pushing a very, very old man in a wheelchair. Andrew said to the man, "Can I ask how old you are, sir?" "One hundred and ten years old," replied the old man. "Why do you think you have lived so long?" asked Andrew. "I don't smoke or drink. I am not married and I never eat meat." In the corner of the room Andrew saw a very, very, very old man. He had no hair, no teeth and he could not see or hear very well. "Why do you think you have lived so long, sir?" Andrew asked. "I smoke forty cigarettes every day; I drink five bottles of wine. I have twenty children. I only eat meat and chocolate. I never eat fruit." Andrew was very surprised and said. "And how old are you, sir?"

The man said slowly,

"............................................"

11-The Polar Bear

One day a baby polar bear and its mother were standing in the snow at the North Pole. It was snowing and a cold wind was blowing. The baby polar bear looked at its mother and said, "Mother, am I really a polar bear?" "Yes, of course you are, son. You are a beautiful polar bear" she said.

After a few seconds the baby polar bear said, "Are you sure, mother!'" "Of course I'm sure. Look at your fur. Isn't it thick?" "Yes, mother." "And your fur is white like the snow, isn't it?" "Yes, mother." "And you can swim in the cold sea, can't you?" "Yes, mother." "And you can catch fish, can't you?"

"Yes, mother." "And you have sharp teeth for eating meat, haven't you?" "Yes mother." "And you have hair on your feet to help you walk on ice, haven't you?" "Yes, mother," "And all the other animals are frightened of you, aren't they?" "Yes, mother" Then the mother polar bear said, "So, son, I am sure you are a polar bear. Why do you ask?" The baby polar bear looked up and said,

"............................................"

12-The Salesman

Henry Leech was a salesman. He sold vacuum cleaners. He was a good salesman and he sold lots of vacuum cleaners. One week the manager sent Henry into the countryside. He drove out of town and stopped at a farmhouse. He knocked at the door and the farmer's wife opened it. Henry started talking immediately. "Madam, how much time do you spend sweeping the floors of this house?" "A lot of time. This is a farm. The floors get dirty quickly, she replied. "And how much time do you spend hearing the carpets?" "A lot of time. My husband always forgets to take off his boots." "And how much time do you spend cleaning the sofa and armchairs?" "A lot of time. The dog always sits on them." she replied. Henry smiled at the farmer's wife and said, "Madam, this is your lucky day. I am going to show you something that will change your life," Henry showed her his vacuum cleaner and said, "You can clean the house in minutes with this machine." The farmer's wife did not look interested. Henry took out a big bag. It was full of dirt and very small pieces of paper. He opened the bag and threw the dirt and paper over the floor and carpets of the  farmhouse. The farmer's wife was very surprised. Before she could speak, Henry said, "Madam, if this machine does not pick up all the dirt and paper, I will eat the dirt and paper." The farmer's wife looked at Henry and said,

"............................................"

13-The Shopkeeper

Mr. Green opened a grocer's shop when he was twenty years old. For sixty-five years he worked in the shop every day. He worked very hard and he never took a holiday. One day Mr. Green was ill. He stayed in bed. The doctor came and examined him. He said to Mr. Green's family, "He is very ill. I'm sorry. There is nothing I can do. He will die soon," Mr. Green's family went into the bedroom after the doctor left. They stood around the bed. Mr. Green's eyes were closed. After a few minutes he started to speak in a quiet voice. He said, "Are you here, Jane?" "I'm here," said his wife. She was crying softly. Then Mr. Green asked, "Are you here, Toby?" "I'm here," said his eldest son. He tried not to cry. After a few seconds Mr. Green said, "Are you here, Mary?" "I'm here, father," said his eldest daughter. She was also crying. Mr. Green asked, "Are you here, John?" "I'm here," said the youngest son. He touched his father's hand. After a minute, Mr. Green said, "Are you here, Lorna?" I'm here, father," said the youngest daughter. Her eyes were red. Suddenly Mr. Green opened his eyes. He was very weak but he lifted his head and shouted, "............................................"

14-The Thirsty Tourist

A tourist was traveling alone in the desert. After two weeks his car stopped working. He got out and started walking. He was lost and he had no water. It was very hot and he became very thirsty. After five hours he saw a small tent in front of him, there was a woman in the tent. The tourist said to the woman, "Water. Please sell me some water." "I'm sorry. I haven't any water, I am taking ties to the market to sell," the woman replied, the tourist walked on. He became thirstier. Two kilometers later he came to another small tent. There was an old man in the tent. "Water. Please sell me some water." "I'm sorry. I haven't any water, I am taking ties to the market to sell," the man replied. The tourist put his money back into his pocket and walked on. He was very, very thirsty and also very tired. One kilometer later he arrived at a third tent. There was a man with a beard in the tent. The man said, "Do you want to buy a tie? I have many beautiful ties," "No. No. No," shouted the tourist,

"I need water. Please sell me water." "I'm sorry. I only have ties," said the old bearded man. The tourist fell to the ground and started to crawl. An hour later he saw a large hotel. It was an expensive-looking hotel. The tourist crawled to the door and took out all his money. He said to the doorman, "Water! I will pay £100 for a glass of water." The doorman looked at the dirty tourist and said,

"............................................"

15-The Artist

Charles Dupont was an unknown French artist. He was an extremely talented artist but he painted very slowly. In twenty years Charles had only produced forty paintings. Most people agreed that the quality of his paintings was excellent, but nobody offered Charles much money for them. Charles did not want to sell them cheaply so he kept all of them in his studio. One day Charles was feeling depressed so he took a long look at his life. After some time he came to the decision that it was time to give up his life as an artist and do something different. He decided   to sell all of his paintings.

Charles' father was a baker in a small village. He was getting old and he needed help. As the only child, Charles thought that he would return home and help his father run the bakery. People might not buy his paintings but surely they would buy his bread. Charles took his forty paintings to a friend who had an art gallery. His friend agreed to help Charles sell his paintings by exhibiting them in the gallery. However, if they had not been sold in three weeks, Charles would have to take them back.

Each day Charles went to the gallery after it closed, but each day he was disappointed. None of his paintings had been sold. On the twenty-first day he met his friend at the gallery door. His friend said, "Do you want the good news or the bad news first?" Charles was excited and asked for the good news. "Earlier today a man came into the gallery and asked if your paintings would increase in value when you were dead. When I told him that they would probably be worth ten or twenty times as much as they are now, he bought them all." "Wonderful!" Charles cried in delight, "Now what's the bad

news?" "............................................"

16-The Businessman

Mr. Kane was a tough but successful businessman. Ten years ago, he started a small business. One day his son, Peter, came to him and said that he wanted to be a businessman like his father. Mr. Kane told him that you had to be tough to succeed in business. He wanted Peter to go to university and become a lawyer, a teacher, or a doctor. However, his son was stubborn and refused. He only wanted to be a businessman and urged his father to help him. "Please, Dad. Teach me how to be a successful businessman." Reluctantly, Mr. Kane agreed to his son's request. "Okay, Peter. First of all I want you to walk down to the wall al the bottom of the garden." Peter looked at his father and said, "But what has that got to do with business, dad?" "Don't ask questions. Trust me and do what I say," he replied. Peter was puzzled but he walked to the wall. His father continued, "Now climb up the ladder and stand on top of the wall." Again Peter protested, "But I don't see how this will help me to be a businessman." "Don't ask questions. Trust me and do what I say," Mr. Kane said, Peter climbed up the ladder and stood on top of the wall, it was six meters high and Peter felt his legs begin to shake, "Now. Jump down into the garden" his father said "But I can't. I'll injure myself," Peter protested. "Do you want to become a successful businessman or not?" "Yes, of course." Peter cried.

"Then trust me. I know what I am doing. Jump!" Peter jumped into the garden and broke both his legs. As he screamed in pain his father came over to him and said,

"............................................"

17-The Diplomat

In1880, there was an important meeting in London to discuss international trade and business between Europe and South East Asia. Over 20 countries sent diplomats to the conference. In the evenings there were formal dinners. The diplomats were often accompanied by their wives or husbands at these functions. At one dinner, the wife of a British diplomat was placed next to a gentleman from China. Lady Barnes had never seen or met anybody from China before. She felt a little uncomfortable. As she sat down at the table she did not know what to say to him. She wasn't sure if he spoke English so she just smiled. The Chinese gentleman smiled back. They both sat in silence. Lady Barnes was glad when the soup arrived. It gave her something to talk about. After a few minutes she turned to the Chinese gentleman and in a loud, slow and dear voice she said, "Likee soupee." The Chinese gentleman looked up at her. He smiled and nodded his head. Lady Barnes did not try to begin another conversation and neither did the Chinese gentleman. They completed the meal without speaking another word to each other. Lady Barnes was very surprised when the Chinese gentleman stood up and began a long speech at the end of the meal. He thanked the British for the wonderful reception they had given the Chinese. He thanked them for their hospitality and for a delicious meal. He said that he was sure that relations between Europe and the Far East would improve because of the meeting of diplomats in London, He spoke perfect English. He was clear, natural and fluent. When the Chinese gentleman sat down there was great applause from the three hundred guests. He turned to Lady Barnes, who looked very embarrassed, and said,

"............................................"

18-The Debaters

Debating is a very popular activity in Great Britain. For the British, it is important to be able to speak well and to speak convincingly. As a result there are many debating clubs and societies in schools and universities to train people to debate well. Each year there is a competition to find the country's best debater. One year the finalists were

Steven Swan from England and Magnus MacDonald from Scotland. They were two very different characters, both in appearance and personality, Steven Swan was a short and very fat man. He weighed over 200 kilos and he was shaped like a ball. He was a very sociable man. Steven was always with friends and he never stopped talking. He spent a great amount of his time in expensive London restaurants debating with politicians and businessmen. They always paid the bills so Stephen ate enormous amounts of food. Magnus MacDonald, on the other hand, was almost the complete opposite. He was tall and very very thin. He looked like a pencil and he seemed to be just skin and bones. Magnus lived in a small Scottish town so he was quite unknown. He was a quiet man who spent most of his time reading books in the library. He never spoke unless it was necessary; 'Never waste words' was one of his favorite sayings. On the day of the final, a large crowd waited anxiously to see and hear the two finalists. They entered the debating room and stood looking at each other. This was the first time that they had met. Magnus was silent. Steven slowly looked at Magnus from head to toe and said, "So you are Magnus. Looking at you, anybody would think that there was a famine in Scotland," The crowd laughed. Magnus waited until the laughter had stopped and replied coldly,

"............................................"

19-The Dust

Mr. White was sitting on a train which was traveling from Glasgow to London. The train was quite empty and quiet so Mr. White was finding the journey enjoyable and relaxing. At Birmingham, a man with, a long beard got onto the train. He looked a little eccentric. He had pink trousers, a yellow shirt with a green tie, a silver hat, orange socks and bright red shoes. After 3 few minutes the man opened a small brown bag and cook out some fine white powder. It looked like chalk dust. He started to throw the powder around the railway carriage. He continued doing this for about five minutes. Then he smiled to himself and sat down. Mr. White ignored him and kept on reading his newspaper. However twenty minutes later the man took out his bag again and sprinkled the white powder around the carriage. Mr. White continued to ignore the man. However the man kept scattering his powder around the carriage every twenty minutes and this began to irritate Mr. White. After two hours Mr. White asked angrily, "Excuse me, but what are you doing?" The man stopped throwing the white powder and said, "Look in my hag, sir. This powder is no ordinary powder. This is ANTlTIGER DUST. It's very special, very rare and very expensive." In an irritated voice Mr. White shouted, "But why are you throwing it around this railway carriage?" "Ah, said the man." By sprinkling it around the carriage I am keeping all the tigers away." Mr. White was astonished. How anybody could be so stupid, he thought to himself. He protested to the man, "But there are no tigers around here!" The man smiled and said,

"............................................"

20-The Film Star

Rocky Grant was a very famous and successful film star. He was extremely handsome and an excellent actor. His films were always smash hits and they made lots of money. Rocky's last film 'Rumbol 6' made $250,000,000. As a result of this success, all the big film companies wanted Rocky to work for them, even though Rocky's fees were high. He never worked for less than $10,000,000 a film. However, there was a small problem. Nobody liked working with Rocky. Film directors found him very difficult. He was so arrogant that he usually tried to tell the directors what to do. The other actors also found him impossible to work with. Rocky always complained that they were amateurs and not good enough to work with him. As a result, very few people talked to him. Rocky was also very unsociable. He never bought drinks or presents for the people he worked with, and he never invited anybody to his huge luxury home. The only thing that Rocky liked to do was talk about money. He talked about his houses, his private planes, his collection of paintings and other possessions. He always talked about himself. He never asked if you were well or not. One morning while they were filming a scene for the film 'The Last Millionaire', a young cameraman came up to Rocky. He asked Rocky politely if he would move to the side so that he could get past with his camera. Rocky looked angrily at the young man and started shouting at the top of his voice,

"Do you know who you ate talking to? I'm Rocky Grant, the world's most famous film star. I've made over one hundred films. I'm one of the world's richest men; I've got $1,000,000.000 in the bank. Now, young man. What have you got?" The cameraman listened to Rocky calmly, and then said,

"............................................"

21-The New Lawyer

Matthews and Sons were a firm of lawyers in London. They were a very old and much respected company. They had been established by Benjamin Matthews in 1770. They were also a fairly large company, sixty lawyers worked there. However, all of these lawyers were men. No woman had ever worked for the company. In today's world this situation was embarrassing. At a meeting one day, Sir Reginald Matthews, the head of the firm, said that they would have to employ a female lawyer. The lawyers agreed and after a long series of interviews Jenny Thatcher was chosen. Jenny was a hardworking, assertive woman who got things done efficiently and quickly. She soon established a reputation for good service. This pleased Sir Reginald. As long as anybody could remember, the weekly meetings of the lawyers had been quiet and peaceful. At these meetings important policy decisions were made. However, none of the lawyers had ever dared to question or argue with the decisions taken by Sir Reginald Matthews, A few months after her arrival at the company Jenny Thatcher began to disagree with some of Sir Reginald's decisions. The situation gradually got worse. After a few months they argued at every meeting. After six months they had stopped talking politely to each other. They simply shouted at each other. Meetings were now battles. At one meeting Sir Reginald got very angry with Jenny when she said that he was not able to run the company. She said that he should retire and hand it over to somebody younger. Sir Reginald looked Jenny in the eye and said, "Miss Thatcher. You are impossible. If you were my wife I would put poison in your tea." The men in the room giggled. Jenny looked at Sir

Reginald and said,

"............................................"

22-The Parking Space

Alan Bell was "18. He drove a Mini, which is a very small British car. Alan loved his car and he washed and polished it every day. Last weekend he went into the centre of London, where it was busy and very difficult to find a parking space. After thirty minutes Alan found an empty parking space but he did not park his car in the space. Instead, he waited about thirty meters from it. A minute later a car stopped and began to reverse into the space. Alan raced forward in his Mini and sped into the empty parking space ahead of the other car. Alan got out of his car and said, "You have to be young and very fast to do that" When the angry driver drove away Alan got back into his car and drove out of the space. Once again he waited about thirty meters from the empty space, The next car to come along was a beautiful white RollsRoyce. The driver was an old man. He started to reverse slowly into the parking space. However Alan raced forward and shot into the empty space. Proudly, he got out of his car and looked at the old man who had rolled down the window of his Rolls-Royce. Alan said, "You have to be young and very fast to do that." The old man did not look angry and he did not drive away. Instead he reversed his car into the back of Alan's Mini, He went forward and then he reversed into the Mini again, Alan watched in horror as the big car smashed into his little Mini. After a few minutes his car was a wreck. He would not be able to drive it again. Alan stood with his mouth wide-open, staring blankly at the driver of the Rolls Royce. The old man got out of the Rolls-Royce, which was also badly damaged. He handed Alan a card with his insurance details on it. He smiled and said,

"............................................"

23-The Perfect Partner

Christian Gibson was a famous and successful fashion designer. His clothes were sold in the world's most exclusive shops. These clothes weren't cheap. A single dress could cost £5,000. Film stars, kings and queens were his regular customers. Christian was 54. He was a passionate man but his marriages never seemed to last long. He had been married and divorced five times. He was still friendly with his ex-wives and met them frequently. For Christian, women were the most desirable things in the world and he spent much of his time chasing them. One July, Christian was at an international fashion show in Singapore. At a formal dinner party one evening, he became quite bored with the people at his table. He lit a cigar and looked round the room at the other tables and the people sitting at them. At one table he gazed in astonishment at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The woman was tall, blonde, with a face like an angel. Her eyes sparkled and were as blue as the sea. Her teeth were like snow and her smile warmed his heart. She was amazingly beautiful. Christian's heart began to beat quickly. He decided that he had to meet this sensual woman. Luckily, he noticed that his second wife was also sitting at the table. She appeared to know the woman. He watched them talking amiably together. Then he took out a small sheet of notepaper and wrote, 'Who is that incredibly beautiful woman at the table?' He folded the paper and handed it to a waiter. He told the waiter to give it discreetly to his ex-wife, Christian's second wife read the note. She looked at her gorgeous friend and then across at Christian, She smiled and wrote something on the notepaper. She sent the note back to Christian who snatched the note from the waiter. His hands shook as he unfolded it. The note said,

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24-The Sheep Farmer

Clive Donovan was a sheep farmer in Australia about a hundred years ago. He lived a very solitary life on his sheep farm four hundred kilometers from the nearest town. Clive was not used to company so he did not say much. He was also a strict man who did not like to be disobeyed or criticized. One day Clive read an article in the newspaper about a small group of young English women who wanted to come to Australia to marry Australian men. Clive wrote to the group and for the next six months he exchanged letters with a young lady called Mary Calderwood. To his surprise, Mary agreed to marry him. Three months later Clive drove his wagon to the nearest railway

station to meet Mary. The wagon was pulled by two horses. Clive helped Mary up onto the wagon and they began the long journey to the farm. Clive did not say a word. Mary thought that living alone for so long had probably made him very shy. She decided to stay quiet. After a kilometer one of the horses stood on a stone and stumbled. This shook the wagon and made Clive angry. He stood up pointed at the horse and shouted, "That's one." Clive sat down again and they continued their journey in silence. Ten kilometers later the same horse stumbled again. Clive pointed a finger at the horse and shouted angrily, "That's two," Mary thought that she saw fear in the eyes of the horse. She was new to Australia so she decided not to ask any questions. However, twenty kilometers later the unfortunate horse stumbled for the third time. "That's three," thundered Clive as he jumped down from the wagon. He took out his gun and shot the terrified horse between the eyes. Mary was shocked. "Why did you do that?" she protested. "How could you do such a cruel and stupid thing?" Clive turned slowly to his young wife and said,

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25-The Space Race

During the 1950's and the 1960's the United States of America and Russia took part in a race to put a man into space. Large amounts of money were spent and some of the most intelligent scientists worked together to design rockets to carry people into space. The Russians were the first country to put a man into space when Yuri Gagarin circled the Earth. The Russians were very proud. They were ahead in the space race. However, the Americans won the next stage in the rate. On the 20th of July 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first man to step onto the surface of the Moon. The Americans were proud and they were ahead in the space race. The British, who had been a strong scientific power in the early part of the 20th century, were jealous. All the best British scientists had gone to work for the Americans because they were paid higher salaries and had better research facilities.

The space scientists who remained in Great Britain had very little money to develop a British space program. In 1970 there was a big party in New York to celebrate the American landing on the Moon. One of the British scientists sent to the party decided to make a speech. He said proudly, "We are planning to land a man on the Sun. The Russians were first into space. The Americans were the first to the Moon. However, the British will be the first to the Sun." An astonished Russian scientist asked "What will you do about the intense heat and light? Have you developed new materials that won't be melted by the sun?" An American scientist added, "What about the sun's radiation? How will you protect the astronauts against it?" The British scientist laughed and said,

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26-The Proud Mother

John was a very intelligent young boy. His parents were ordinary people who did not have much money, but John won, a scholarship to a very famous private school. Most of the other boys came from very rich families. John's parents had left school when they were very young so they were not very welleducated. Quite often John came home from school and used long words that his mother and father did not understand.  One day he returned from school and said to his mother, "Mum, may I relate to you a narrative?" "What is a narrative?" she asked. "A narrative is a tale, a kind of story, mother." "Oh, I see," said the mother. So John told her a long tale about a king who wanted to be a bird. It was such a long story that it was time to go to bed when he finished. As John was leaving the room he said to his mother, "Shall I extinguish the light" "What does 'extinguish mean?" his mother asked. "To 'extinguish something' means to 'put something out' said John."Oh, I see," said his mother. "Yes. Put the light out." The next day John's mother was very nervous. The headmaster was coming to have tea at their house to talk about John's excellent progress, John's mother wanted to sound like an educated woman. The headmaster arrived. John's mother gave him a cup of tea and one of her home-made pies which she had spent all morning baking. The pies were just out of the oven and they smelled delicious, John, his mother, and the headmaster sat down together. While they were eating, the family dog became excited by the smell of the pies. It began to bark and jump up and down. John's mother wanted to impress the headmaster so she said to John,

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